It’s that time again..

It’s that time of the night again, you see as the night draws closer and the day comes to an end. My mind likes to go off on it’s own usually with music playing and well bring any an every thought it can muster forward. An with every thought that comes to pass my mood lowers an the happiness of the day fades. I don’t expect everyday to be perfect I don’t. But you know just once I’d love to end out a day on a high note.

Maybe there is a specific reason that I cannot accomplish this, but for the life of me I can’t fathom why this is. It seems like around every corner you can find those that are or have found more happiness than I could ever hope to find. But then again those people are usually with their partner in life as well, which I’ve yet to find for myself.

Will I ever? I don’t honestly know maybe one day but as of right now all I have going for me is the focus I have on work. It’s not much but at least when I’m working my mind is too preoccupied to think about anything else. You see I’m in retail and as of right now we’re going through our inventory so doesn’t leave much time to focus on much else. As any of you that’s been in retail before knows that the store you’re working in pretty much has to be in perfect condition and everything in it’s right place when you are doing inventory.

So sure while I’m working I don’t have any issue with my mood but like I said that’s mostly because I don’t have much time to think on anything else but work. An just like tomorrow I’ll likely be there by myself until I don’t know probably around 1pm or so. Because if last early shift showed me anything it means that the department manager isn’t going to be there so it’s just going to be me there.

While that’s not something I mind.. I just wish that outside of work I could find the content that I have at work y’know? Maybe I’ve just not found my passion outside of work yet that I can stay focused on when I’m not working.

Anyway that’s enough from me.. if you’ve read this far thanks, if not I don’t really blame you.

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A little about me..

I can’t count the times I’ve tried to do this before an well if I’m being completely honest with you guys I don’t really know why you’d want to read any of the things I’m probably going to be posting on this blog. But here’s the thing, my 25th birthday coming (go me for making this far!) an well.. I’m still living at home with my parents there in which lies one of the problems I struggle with internally. In pretty much all other aspects I’m already self sufficient in terms of providing for myself.

But really I’m jumping a head of myself, I really want to start this off with a question. There’s the saying life is what you make of it, we’ve all heard it for years. Then tell me why it is while I can be successful at work and pretty much most other things but my happiness I can’t will to stay with me? They say admittance is the first step to any self healing, so while I hate showing my weaknesses I guess I should start with that.

Undiagnosed Depression.

Ugly word right? Well I hate doctors even more than I hate admitting that, that is indeed a struggle and a battle seems that I fight pretty regularly. Sometimes so much so that the silence is outright deafening, my mind prefers to stay busy. Doesn’t matter on what but it needs to stay occupied, otherwise it’s not long before it shifts to thinking about things that’s either been long since passed and just replaying those. Or it just goes to the place of putting myself down no matter what I may have already accomplished or got done throughout that day.

I don’t claim that I want to be perfect. That’s not what this about, after all there is no perfect person in the entire world. But what I hope to strive to get out of this is maybe to meet like minded people who have either gone through some of these same trials and tribulations or is still fighting the same battles I am. An maybe through each other we can be there to lean on one another to help each other continue to strive to push on.

At any rate, I guess I should really introduce myself. My name is Arron (pronounced just like the other spelling Aaron), I didn’t graduate from my high school. However when it comes to pretty much anything tech or games or the like I do know and enjoy them both. I am currently a Sporting Goods Sales Associate at the Wal-Mart here in Waverly, Ohio. I was pretty much born and raised around the same area that I’m currently living, as for my tech hobby I have two parents that were into it quite heavily as well growing up. But as I’ve gotten older and self taught myself pretty much from trial and error I’ve taken that hobby and turned it into a passion of mine. Mind you I don’t do anything professionally though was always a dream or least a thought that I would maybe one day open a computer repair shop.

My other hobby/passion has always been gaming, I would love to get to be some kind of content creator for games and the gaming industry in general. Weather that be by youtube or even as a games journalist. Though I have to admit that as things are right now I don’t even know where to start in that field and definitely don’t have any of the right connections to do so I feel. ┬áMaybe one day but right now I don’t really know how to start.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve rambled on enough. If by chance you did come across this and read this far I just want to say thanks. An well maybe we’ll get in touch some time and keep each other motivated. Until next time!

 

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